Elvis.



Elvis was a better father ON drugs than mine was NOT on drugs. And I'd be rich ;)

I was probably a few hours away from dying, but I didn't know it at the time. Turns out, I had 2 blood clots, one in my left lung and one in my heart valve that returns blood to your heart. It hurt to breath, to exert myself, to do anything. I went to the ER on a Saturday night about 7pm. I was going to wait until Monday, it worked easier into my schedule, so yeah, I planned on going to work Saturday night.

When I got the ER, they took me back almost immediately as a "DIB" (Difficulty In Breathing). I got pain killers in my IV and went for an xray or CT scan, can't remember which, or maybe it was both.

My doctor on Sunday told me that had I waited until Monday, I probably would not have SEEN Monday. Oh.

To this day tho, the impact of that doesn't really hit me. My daughter was almost 1 and a half at the time and to miss out on everything with her is the only thing that really brings it home.

When I was 12, I wanted 4 kids and imagined, slightly, there being a husband in the picture. When you're 12, you think that's how it's supposed to be so that must be how it WILL be, right? I didn't know how I'd feel about that whole situation in 15, 20 years. If my 12 year old self saw me now, with one kid and no man, I'd feel sorry for myself, not know that I've chosen to not have a man in my life becuz relationships are just too much work than they're worth, in my opinion; and who has time for a relationship anyway? I'm content with having one kid, but I'd like one more, but I'm not holding my breath on that happening.

1. Giving birth to my daughter and she's an all As student and has a good head on her shoulders.
2. Getting a job I love.
3. Finally feeling happy.

So at work, I don't think I've mentioned this, but I finally broke down and joined Amy's potluck "team". Every month I smell food and I can't eat it cuz I wasn't on a team. It goes like this--there are 4 potluck teams. Each team has a leader. And I am on team 2, which Amy is the leader of. February was team 2's month to bring the food for the potluck lunch--the 12 or 14 people on that team bring in the food for lunch and everyone that is on a potluck team can partake. After this month, our team won't be up again until June. Now, I didn't realize when I told Amy I'd finally join her team, that it was a potluck lunch day. She said I could eat too. Woo!! This was like 2 weeks ago. I'm slow at updating, you know!

I think I've said we are watching American Idol this season. I really really really really like Casey Bowersox (is that her first name), the girl that plays guitar and harmonica. We voted for her 64 times Tuesday night. I got thru on the house phone 62 times in a row!! Jessi's cell phone, only 2, couldn't get thru again! And I really really really like Big Mike too. We shall see.

I bought the new Rob Zombie CD the other day. Sick Bubblegum is my new favorite song He says MOTHERFUCKER 18 times! Yes, I counted! It's fun to sing. I seen the video on Headbanger's Ball and I realized, "Hey, they shot this at his house!" Seen him on Cribs once and I don't forget :D

At work the other day, someone farted really loud in the bathroom when they say down and I thought of falling off the toilet and pretending I'd been shot. It was LOUD! lol Mandy suggested I should have said "Ah! You got me!" LMAO!

So I bought a package of socks for me like a month ago, the packaging said "Fits size 6-10" so that's in my shoe size range, so I bought them. They were too big and I didn't like how they felt. So next time I went to Target, I bought socks in the kid department. "Fits size 4-10". They're tight and fit awesomely. I just wish the leg/ankle part were longer, but whatever, I can deal. And being kid socks--3 bucks cheaper!!

Watching 16 & Pregnant with Jessi--the guy was treating the girl like crap and I paused it to make my point (I do this with everything we watch almost!). So many girls on there come to the same conclusion, "I guess my mom was right after all." I told Jessi, "if I say I don't like a boy you bring home, it's not becuz I don't like his clothes, hair, face, piercings, job, etc, it's becuz of his vocabulary, grammar, the way he treats you, acts towards me, etc." The grammar/vocab thing, she goes, "I wouldn't go out with someone like that" but we really never know :D And Shyanne is telling Jessi she's planning on having a kid when she's 14 or 15 "so I'm not an OLD mom" cuz her mom is older, but good god. There's a difference between being 50 and having kids, and being 30, ya know? Jessi doesn't talk about Shyanne much anymore, I'm not sure if that's cuz she doesn't talk to her much or becuz she knows I don't like her anymore. I pinpionted when I started to dislike Shyanne, two halloweens ago at the mall. When she treated Hailey like a pariah for losing the halloween mask she let her borrow. I tried to stress the fact of ACCIDENT but it didn't sink in. I felt bad for Hailey and tried to cheer her up so her Halloween wasn't ruined by Shyanne. There was always something that irked me about Shyanne. She was boy-crazy. I mean, Jessi is too, but Shyanne took it to extremes, IMO. I think the last time she spent the night here, it was prompted by asking Jessi if they could walk past Sam's house. "Maybe he'll be home!" Jessi didn't really want to and so I wouldn't let them leave the house. Halloween just made it all clear to me. THEN, not sure if I put this in here, but about a month or two ago, we were at the library and Jessi was talking to Shyanne online and Jessi asked me if Shyanne could spend the night, I said no. She asked why, I said cuz I didn't like how she handled the whole Hailey thing at the end of 5th grade (not the Halloween incident). Apparently Shyanne called me a bitch. I asked Jessi, "Why? Cuz she knows I'm right?" Jessi shrugged. She should have known Jessi would tell me what she said, that's how Jessi and I are, ya know? I hope Shyanne doesn't ever think I'll let her spend the night again. Grrrrrrrr.

Ooh! I bought my tickets for Alice in Wonderland in 3D on IMAX for next Friday at 11:30pm. Woo! I've been waiting more than a year to see this, I think! I keep thinking I'm going to forget!

So Saturday, on my b-day, I just went to the library as usualy, thought about what I wanted for dinner. White Castle won out. I don't go there often and it sounded good for once. Got that, went home, watched some tv. 11:30pm, the phone rings. It's Jessi. She wanted to know if I could come get her and Crystal in the morning and take them to Burger King for breakfast. Cuz her dad said, "I won't be up then". Fine. We all know he's allergic to setting an alarm clock to appease his daughter.

So, on Sunday, when I wanted to sleep in, I was up at 9:30, took them to breakfast and then back to her dad's. Then they were bored and walked up to a school to be on the skywalk. So I figured I'd swing by and take them to the library instead of letting them run around in the 'hood. Picked them up off the street and went to the 'brary. Took Crystal home and me and Jessi came home. Jessi had cramps and a backache, but nothing came of it. She's afraid she'll get her period in Chicago. *sigh* If she does, she does, ya know?

There was no school on Monday. Again. Another snow storm. Seriously, this can be the last storm of the winter. Two is my limit. Three and I will kill someone! Tho now it's been literally snowing all week here. Grrrrrrr.

Jessi had a field trip Friday: ice skating, MSU Dairy Store and tour of the dorms and classrooms at MSU. I've told her for years how small the dorms are. She now sees I was right. She didn't fall ice skating, but managed alright. Wants to go again, but I'm certainly NOT getting on ice skates! Never have. No point in starting now when I could break a hip!

So, having DISH, I watch A TON more tv then I would if we didn't. Every month, we have different channels for a free monthly preview. This month, it's the BIO channel. So I watched Boy George, George Michael, Freddie Mercury, Kristy McNichol and Dano Plato--you know, Kimberly Drummon on Different Strokes? The girl had problems--alcohol, drugs, etc. They said, "she was abandoned by her father when she was 3, and girls that are abandoned by their fathers feel like used goods, thrown aside, not good enough for anyone..." I looked around at my empty living room and said to myself, "nope, you're wrong miss psychologist" I may have issues, but they are not related to my lack of father figure in my life, ya know? Why do they attribute a girl's problems to her lack of a father? That's giving the loser way too much credit, I think!! People need an excuse for their problems and "mommy/daddy didn't love me" is convenient, Mandy suggested. True enough, but the way I was raised effects SOME of how I turn out, but I don't think it's an excuse for all of it. I know why I hate wearing winter coats, I know why I hate cleaning my bedroom, I know why I hate lots of things. But not one of those things can be attributed to my "father". Why? Simple. He was NOT THERE!!

Things I Hate Version 5.6

Seeing pregnant girls and her friends say, "We gotta go, but don't go in to labor! hahhaha" and the girl isn't even as big as I was when I was 7 months pregnant!! I was huge!

Kings of Leon.

Well, this is long enough and I don't think I'm quite halfway done....maybe I am, but it's still going to be twice as long as this if I finish it now and my computer is acting up all slow and unfriendly, so I will be done until tomorrow. Mom and I are going shopping :D

I went to one school for Kindergarten, another school for 1-4, back to the kindergarten school for 5th, then one middle school and one high school.

My self-esteem was just fine in elementary school for the most part. It started to diminish in 5th grade a little, but it was due to the other kids and no one doing a damn thing about it. Going to middle school ruined what was left of it. High school refreshed it a bit, but it's never going to be like it was.

First, Dracula a la Bela Lugosi.

Second choice, Count Von Count from Sesame Street. :D

I dunno. I think next year, about in October, I'm going to declare that I'm just not DOING Xmas. The presents, the baked goods, everything. My mom is making cookies. Jessi is "helping"--what do I hear? YELL YELL YELL Every fucking year. Jessi can't listen for shit and this pisses my mom off. So why does she let her "help"? I have to bring up the blocks for the table (it's too short and hurts my mom's back to hunch over the table, so I bought concrete patio blocks to put under the table legs last year), get the ingredients out for cookies (granted, it's not a lot, but I'm already pissy from the fucking snow), blah. Blah. Blah.

If I could skip winter all together, that'd be awesome. No snow. No Xmas shopping. Nothing. I like driving around and looking at the Xmas lights and I like seeing Jessi excited on Xmas morning. That's it. That's all I like about Xmas. Sure, I like the food, but I could get myself invited somewhere for that, so it's not a big thing. Presents I could do without. I don't NEED anything. I need money, that's all.

So yeah.

It quit snowing around 2. Plows? Yeah, one headed east about 6pm. And the rest of the roads? Suck, so far as I've heard. I'm glad I didn't have to go anywhere (Jessi had a snow day! Woo!), cuz there's no way in hell. Justin and I were supposed to see Death Valley Dragline downtown, but the roads are ridiculous to bother with that, ya know?

So, I leave you with a survey, courtesy of _scarlet_ibis_ again.

( 2008, was it good for you? )

It's been 4 years. Wow. I was reminded by today's "Writer's Block" segment.

Such a tragedy. =(

Which is the right religion for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Satanism You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism. Satanism 70% Agnosticism 70% Atheism 65% Haruhism 65% Paganism 50% Buddhism 40% Hinduism 40% Christianity 20% Islam 20% Confucianism 15% Judaism 0%